I wish y’all could see how many times I sat down at my laptop to write this, only to walk away with no words to say. To be honest, I’m not sure I’ve got the words yet but today’s the day to try.
If you follow me on social media, you’ve probably noticed I’ve backed way off posting and sharing my life in the last six months or so. I don’t know how else to describe it except I’ve felt stuck.
Stuck in the revolving door of posed photos, tagged brands and making sure I posted to my story five times every day. Stuck with a heart bent on likes, interactions and feeling crushed when a post underperformed. I started to lose the magic that has always drawn me to the western industry – the preservation of a lifestyle, the personal expression through art, the love of a culture – it all took a backseat to business and keeping up with the Jones’.
When I started to feel suffocated by the very thing I love, I withdrew. I hid inside my own head and tried to refocus. I’ve got a million business diagrams on where I was going to take my content, Pinterest boards filled with style inspiration and hundreds of calls to my mom asking what I’m doing with my life. (thanks Mom, you’re the best)
Truth is, I’m a very private person. My first instinct isn’t to pull out my phone during a memory – I just want to experience it. I’ve always felt strange pulling up Instagram to geotag my location or share what I’m having for breakfast. I just like to live my life in real time. However, I also love to create and I’ve been working on finding a balance between expression and personal experience.
The silence of spending time with myself sometimes drives me insane, but I’ve also learned something worth sharing: your life is yours to live. It’s not for your followers, Facebook friends or subscribers. It’s not for your family, your friends or your neighbors. I’ve learned that what I share online is for me, and I shouldn’t feel obligated to share my breakfast for likes if I don’t want to.
It’s more than okay to sit in silence with your phone in another room. It’s okay to get dressed for the day and not share a selfie. It’s okay to do something kind for someone else without sharing it online. I’m tired of getting my sense of feeling through the reactions of other people. I’m entering a place where I can enjoy, laugh or cry on my own terms.
From this moment, I’m pushing out the voices that say I’m not doing enough, or being enough for others. I’m sharing the things that inspire me, and deleting the things that don’t. sometimes, I’m going to experience life’s sweetest moments without putting it on Facebook Live.
I’m not sure what’s next, exactly, but I’m here. I’m full of inspiration and ideas, and love for the western way of life. I believe your intentions return to you in the form of people and opportunities, so I’m putting out authenticity and love. And I might not give you hours of content, but know what I share, I’m proud of and I believe you’ll be inspired.